I don’t claim to be well-educated in this area. I don’t have any kind of degree that would make me an expert in bullying or the psychology related to gender. Nothing like that. My only expertise lies in the fact that I was once a teenage girl, am now a full-grown woman and have been on both sides of mean-girlness. Yes, I admit to being the bully as well as the bullied.
This won’t have the answers. Most likely, just more questions.
It’s a shame really that women are so keen to knock each other down. It’s not as if men aren’t already doing it for us, figuratively, if recent tweets and news items from certain male creators of comics are to be believed. In the “Nerd Community” guys are often the first ones to call geek-girls “posers”, “con-pretty” or, in the case of cosplayers, whores (because if a woman spends hours upon hours of her own time creating a screen or book accurate rendition of her favorite character she must be a poser, fake geek-girl, whore). My husband, who is kind and loving to me and sweet to most women, regularly calls out a particular actress as horse-faced, as if she has any control over how her face is shaped and what does it matter anyway. Yes, I’m totally throwing him under the bus, but he happens to be the man I spend most of my time with…you know that everybody does this too, and to what end?
Now I’m just mentioning the comics/art community because I’ve been a part of it for over a decade. I’m a total nerd, which just really just means that there are certain things that I embrace and obsess over and I have no problem admitting it to anyone. But I’ve experienced mean girls since I was a girl. Been knocked down, excluded, lied to or about. It’s happened all through my life as well. Had boyfriends stolen from (as if they were mine to steal away from) by women who only wanted to prove they could. The real pain comes from when we suddenly exclude someone from our lives when they had been so much a part just days before without reason. We often take with us a core group of friends (who’ve had to choose, and they choose the perceived alpha). Leaving the first woman utterly alone, at least in her mind. I’ve done it and had it done to me.
Now I’m going in circles. I’ve done all of these things to other women, so I’m not pointing fingers. I don’t understand why, but it seems like we’ve been bred to compete. I don’t want to compete anymore. I’m too fraking old for this.
Does it matter in the end, who won, when we’re all food for worms? My guess is no.